Pulse: Additional Miscellany

Steve befriends a camel.

It would be fair to say Steve Rudd's Pulse is a lengthy book.  It runs to an unprecedented 98500 words - though of course, that's only unprecedented for Valley Press; I'm not suggesting it's the longest book in history, though I admit I don't have the statistics to hand.  Either way, the editing and typesetting on this occasion took rather a long time - much longer than I originally planned, in fact - and though the text is a constant delight, even the man working on publishing a newly discovered edition of the Bible ('My Life: By Jesus') will find his attention wandering sooner or later.

So it came to pass that, in order to entertain myself, I began to play a series of what might have been drinking games - if I was reckless enough to drink whilst 'on the job'.  As readers, you bear no such responsibilty, so if you want to play along, take a shot each time:

• Steve mentions Jack Kerouac
• Steve stumbles upon a branch of 'McDonald's'
• Steve mentions Facebook in a disparaging manner
• Steve is saddened after observing a less-than-100%-honest business practice
• Steve is mistaken for Chris Martin from Coldplay 
• Someone 'kowtows' to something

Not mentioned are 'Steve boards a means of transport' or 'Steve eats something', as playing the game with these rules will lead to serious liver damage.  Also missing is the one that brought me the most delight during the editing process, as it is sadly no longer relevant: 'Steve consumes something out of a punnet'.  I noticed this curious trend early on; I've never established what Steve thinks a punnet is, but I believe it to be a small basket in which you might put some fruit or vegetables (see illustration below).  With this in mind, I was puzzled to see the humble punnet appearing in all manner of unlikely contexts throughout Steve's original draft of Pulse, some of which I reprint below:

• 'For five rupees, a scolding hot punnet of Nescafe hit my throat where it hurt.'
• 'Favouring train travel (if only for the early morning punnets of 'chai' and delicious omelettes served by mobile vendors on-board)...'
• 'Various concoctions of medicine were relayed to patients prior to their main meal. I joined the queue of volunteers to help dole out white plastic punnets filled with a tablet or two, along with a nut chaser.'
• 'Seated and satisfied with punnets of caramel-laced popcorn, we were fools to get comfortable.'

As you can imagine, I began to be deeply perplexed and disturbed by this trend - I hadn't even heard the word 'punnet' for the fifteen years prior to my starting work on Pulse!  I didn't quite know how to tell Steve about it; I believe I said very gently: 'Steve... can I just ask you... what's with all the punnets?'  We eventually agreed to remove most of these instances, though I have left the popcorn one in the final book for sentimentality's sake - watch out for it when you read.

With an understanding that I mention these things as possibly the world's biggest fan of Steve and his writing, I'm sure you'll allow me to bring up a couple of other points.  When running an initial spell check on the book, my poor computer went beserk - not because Steve is a poor speller (far from it!), but because he has a tendency to invent words where existing ones don't quite do the job.  So now, in association with the Oxford English Dictionary (basic edition), I can present the twenty-four new words invented by Mr. Steve Rudd for his first book:

promenaders, animalistically, linguistical, vagabonder, automisation, desertscape, metrosexualised, skyscraping, monotonal, wisening, technicoloured, patronaged, wisen, glammed, unentranced, resaddled, palmful, headlessly, wisened, iconically, nutted, transportational, behemothic, overlanding

I've actually left most of them in; they all make sense to some degree, and I'm secretly a big believer in this practice myself.  There are certain things I 'always do' in my books, when writing, and one of them is to include a word not featured in the OED - I'm hoping one day to appear as a source.  Trivia fans will be interested to note in The Dead Snail Diaries it was 'conversate' - '...in fact, I learnt to conversate...' - though I have since learned the word is an accepted part of 'black slang', so it's unlikely that a man once described as 'so white it's almost beyond belief' will be credited for inventing it.  Steve's chances are somewhat higher.

And then there's his trademark way of starting a new article, which is to capitalise the first sentence.  For example, if I were to document the last half hour of my life in a Rudd-esque fashion, I'd probably start it: 'I LOGGED ON TO THE EDITING SOFTWARE FOR THE VALLEY PRESS BLOG, AND KNEW A TAPESTRY OF LITERARY ACCOMPLISHMENT WAS ABOUT TO UNFOLD.'  This is actually an effective strategy, and one with a long, noble history in literature - though that didn't stop me making a list of the section openers which would be quite funny taken out of context.  So here are some teasing headlines to give you a flavour of the action at hand:

• DUMBSTRUCK BY A DUST-STRICKEN OCEAN OF CAMELS
• EMERGING FROM SPIRITUAL SLUMBER, I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES.
• WISELY, NOT ALL OF US CRAVE CHANGE.
• ‘FLY, LITTLE BIRD, FLY!’
• IT SOUNDED LIKE CHILDBIRTH.
• GIVEN THE CHANCE, INDIANS LOVE TO MAKE A RACKET.
• MOSQUITOES CAN SEEMINGLY SENSE SWEET BLOOD FROM A THOUSAND PACES.
• I’D FINALLY DISCOVERED A ROUTINE WHICH NOURISHED MY SOUL
• WE WONDERED WHY HE WAS POINTING THE FINGER.
• IT APPEARED TO BE A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS ON THE SURFACE.
• TAPPING THE MAN’S FOREHEAD, THE CONDUCTOR ACCIDENTALLY DEFACED THE SLEEPING PASSENGER’S THIRD EYE.
• ‘MAN! DON’T WORRY! BORROW MY BIKE AND TAKE A FERRY TO LOMBOK!’
• I’D BECOME EVERYTHING I DESPISED; I’D BECOME WOEFULLY PREDICTABLE.
• AT LEAST THE VACATIONING FRENCH GIRLS CONSIDERED IT FUNNY.
• ‘HARDY! I’M LOOKING FOR A HARDY! I DON’T SUPPOSE YOU KNOW A HARDY, DO YOU?’
• THE DAWN CHORUS WAS AS UNBEATABLE AS IT WAS UNREPEATABLE.
• ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NOT A SINGLE BANK MACHINE ON THE ENTIRE ISLAND?’
• ‘GET A BIKE, YOU LOSER!’
• THE FINEST EATERIES TEND TO BE THE MOST SECRETIVE.
• THEY WERE CLEARLY NOT ‘AU FAIT’ WITH THE INEVITABILITY OF SPINAL COMPRESSION.
•  ‘IT’S NOT FUNNY. I HAVE BRUISES ALL OVER MY LEG.’
• WHY DID THE CHICKEN REALLY CROSS THE ROAD? (Steve follows this with: 'Because it was cooped in a liberal country where it could!')
• DASHING IN FRONT OF THE BLOOD-RED ‘SPECIAL OPERATIONS COMMAND’ TRUCK WASN’T THE WISEST MOVE I’D EVER MADE.
• ‘WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHERE ARE WE GOING?’
• IT WASN’T THE TYPE OF DAY TO BE PRANCING ABOUT OUTSIDE
• AT NATURE’S MERCY, I EXCEL; I THRIVE; I NEVER FEEL MORE ALIVE.
• VERY LITTLE COMPARES TO THE HEIGHT ADVANTAGE OFFERED BY PLANES.

I think the last one there is my favourite; you just can't argue with that, can you.  I like to imagine him saying those bits in an unnaturally loud and monotone way; try it yourself - when your significant other comes home, smile and say: 'VERY LITTLE COMPARES TO THE HEIGHT ADVANTAGE OFFERED BY PLANES.'  Then come back here and tell us how they reacted.

That about wraps it up, though there is a neat coincidence that I've yet to discuss.  In Pulse, Steve mentions a few musicians his 'sensitive temperament' is 'more suited for' - and one of them is Miles Cain, whose poetry collection The Border is the next book scheduled for publication by Valley Press!  It's almost like Steve is 'passing on the literary torch', which could be a nice tradition if there was any chance of it happening again.  I made a note of what page this mention was on (pg. 124), so I could tell Miles when I saw him, but this knowledge came in useful sooner than I thought. When me and Steve accosted Edwina Hayes with a view to her appearing at the launch, Steve told her she was mentioned, and began flicking through the proof copy trying to find the sentence, which was of course the same one as Miles' shout-out.  'I think you'll find that's on page 124,' I said casually. Steve turned to the page, then looked at me like I had just performed an earth-shattering feat of mental acuity.

'Do you know the whole thing off by heart?!'  He asked me, stunned.  I decided to play along, thinking that this talent would never be tested.  'Oh yeah,' I replied, casually.  'All part of the Valley Press experience.'  Steve (and possibly Edwina) went away impressed that night, and I promptly forgot about this moment - until the launch came around, and someone asked Steve to read the passage from the book where he encounters a cockroach.

'No trouble!'  He said, turning to me. 'What page is that on then, Jamie?'  Caught off guard, I began frantically flicking through the pages, unable to remember even which continent that moment had occured on; I could see the disappointment creep over Steve's face as he realised I was not, in fact, the natural successor to Rain Man.  'I thought you knew the whole thing by heart!'  He said, sadly, and in the end he found the extract several minutes before I did.  There's a clear moral here; don't tell lies, as they often come back to haunt you.  Oh, and also, that you should buy Steve's book - it's excellent, and now you've had the education provided by this post, you can enjoy it on a whole new level.

Pulse: Launch Photos

Huge thanks to Craig Zadoroznyj for taking a great set of photos at the launch of Pulse, and allowing me to put them on the blog.  I knew they'd turn up sooner or later!  You can have a look at some of his other work here, but not before you check out the great snaps below...

Steve hard at work signing some books.  Note the two ladies to the left - none other than the winners of the raffle, whose unlikely success was documented in my last blog post.

Close-up of Steve signing a book.  I was really impressed by his signing skills - some of the best I've ever witnessed, beautiful work!

Steve fielding questions - a wry smirk here I think.

Steve continuing his Q&A, in this case clearly laughing at one of my great jokes.  To his right you can see one of the photos, 'carefully displayed', and a copy of a 'Pulse' map.

The lovely Edwina Hayes, who charmed us with her extraordinary talents - in the fields of both music and raffle-administration.

Another close-up of that excellent signature.  The atlas behind is an old one belonging to my mum - pre-dating Indian independence!

Pulse: Launch Report

So it's away!  On Friday 5th August, The Bell in Driffield hosted the launch of Steve Rudd's Pulse, the sixteenth Valley Press book, notable for being the longest, most lavish production to date - 312 pages of writing, with a 16 page colour insert (I've got those stats off by heart, very proud).  As of yet only one photo has emerged, which you can see to your right - but if anyone reading this was there and took some snaps, please do get in touch and share them, perhaps for inclusion in a future post?

The spectacular evening started with a song from Ben Parcell (a Green Day cover, no less) and moved on into an extended Q&A with Steve, during which we collectively probed the depths of his well-travelled mind.  We were also graced by international folk sensation Edwina Hayes, who not only performed some of her beautiful music, but also helped no end with the raffle - turns out she's a seasoned raffle veteran!

If you're wondering, the raffle was a last-minute idea, in which visitors were offered the chance to win a signed, one-off A2 print of each of the photos below, as featured in the Pulse insert:

The idea behind getting the photos produced was originally to have them stuck behind Steve as he fielded questions - I always like to give people something to look at as well as hear.  In the end, however, not only did I end up paying twice as much as expected to have them done, the wall behind Steve had been waxed and polished to such an extent that they wouldn't stay stuck for more than a few seconds... the tropical heat that night probably didn't help either!  So they were carefully laid down behind Steve on a table, and offered to visitors as prizes in the raffle.  In a further twist, the winners of the photos were Sarah T. (an important person in Steve's life, and someone who features throughout Pulse) and a lady who was attending the event with her; the chances of that happening (if anyone's interested) were 0.4%.  Clearly there was a certain magic in the air that evening!

I've made some additional notes on the book which I may translate into a review - certainly another blog post - so look out for that soon.  In the meantime, enormous thanks from myself and Steve to everyone who came; I hope you're spending this weekend reading the entirety of his finely-written exploits!

Mega Week: A VP News Roundup

Quiet periods on the blog usually mean the inverse is true for Valley Press, and this week has been no exception!  In fact I hardly know where to start.  I feel bullet points might help.

• This week, the 2000th Valley Press book was sold, which has me most pleased!  Of course, the big publishing houses are disappointed if they sell less than 2000 copies of one book, but we all have to start somewhere.  In fact more than 100 books have been sold this week, through all sorts of avenues... thanks to anyone reading this who bought one, it's much appreciated.  The great thing about the grand sales total is that it can only go in one direction!  (So, yeah... no refunds.)

• This week has seen the release of our latest publication, Steve Rudd's Pulse, which you can read all about here.  The book is being launched in Driffield, East Yorkshire, this Friday (5th), so if you happen to be in town do come along and see it.  Running to 312 pages, Pulse is the longest and most elaborate book published by VP so far, and it's also the first one which I've attempted to sell directly to the public through the VP website - I'm delighted with how that's gone so far. There's a few blog posts upcoming on the subject of Pulse, so stay tuned...

• There have been a couple of VP events this week.  With some help from Felix Hodcroft and Catherine Boddy, I read the entirety of The Dead Snail Diaries in Scarborough Library, and I was delighted by how it went.  Perhaps the most ingenious idea - inspired by my inability to find a cheap projector for hire - was me re-creating the book's illustrations on a flip-chart, in the midst of the performance, in a style that some have compared to Rolf Harris (though this is probably an insult to poor Rolf.)  I had a great night anyway, thanks to everyone who turned up!  VP was also present at the 'Coastival Picnic', organised by one of Scarborough's foremost arts organisations - I was pleased to note the picnic took place behind 'Woodend', so actually in the valley which Valley Press is named after.  A photo of Valley in the valley can be seen above; as well as books I offered a poetry competition, where you had to re-write a classic poem to be on the subject of picnics.  A lot of fun (particularly when an assistant arrived with two bottles of wine). Roll on next year's picnic!

• I can announce two events are upcoming in the near future.  Both on the 13th August, in fact!  There will be a VP book signing in the Scarborough branch of Waterstone's, featuring myself, Helen Burke, Jo Reed, and Steve Rudd - something (or perhaps someone) for everyone.  It will be between the hours of 1pm and 4pm, you can see a nice poster I made for it to your right.  Later that night, me and Steve will be appearing at Bridlington's Spotlight Theatre as part of a 'revue' of the local arts organisations.  Apparently this event has been sold out, so it's a case of either you already know about it and are going, or you don't so you can't!  I guess we'll see you there, if the first case is true.

• Our call for short-story submissions is now closed. Thanks to everyone who sent in stuff - I'm sure Dan Formby (editor) is surrounded by them as we speak, sweating over what can and can't go in.  Look out for more news on that soon, especially if you submitted something.

• Finally, you may have noticed a new book on the homepage... the next Valley Press publication will be The Border by Miles Cain, another first full-length collection by an exciting Yorkshire-based poet, by far my favourite sort of book!  Check out the cover, featuring a stunning photograph by John Illingworth, to your right.  Also coming up this Autumn (and in the exact same genre) are Love Letters & Children's Drawings by Hull poet Norah Hanson (who is in the process of planning three launch events!) and Phobia by Leeds-based poet (until recently) Jo Brandon, who I believe is still recovering from a move to London, where she's destined to hit the big time in short order.  Look out for lots more on those three in the months to come, and also news of a Leeds Writer's Circle anthology which I am due to start working on tomorrow.  Assuming this next week is a bit quieter!

First Look - 'Pulse'

There is organised chaos behind the scenes at the Valley Press office this week; a crucial week for almost all this year's releases, for one reason or another.  On the public stage, VP author Steve Rudd went on BBC Radio Humberside tonight to announce/promote Pulse (and VP in general, good work Steve!) which served as a reminder that I had yet to mention him or the book on the VP blog yet...

Though Steve is a noted musician and poet, he is most widely known for his travel writing - he circles the globe on an almost yearly basis (it seems!), producing hundreds of pithy, punchy reports around the 1500 word mark, which have been published by the likes of Time Out and the Guardian.  As Steve discussed on the radio, travel writing is many people's idea of perfect job...cruising round the globe, jotting up a few notes, expanding your mind...though at some point you do need to come down to earth (in Steve's case, Yorkshire) and sell your wares.

Steve had a three-book deal with a larger publisher, which was scuppered by the recession/arts cuts (which you can read about elsewhere, endlessly) which allowed me to 'snap him up' (so to speak) a couple of months back.  He's actually written five books, one for each of his trips - Pulse is the latest, telling the story of his 2010 trip through India, Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia,
inspired by (in his words) 'a midlife crisis' (if indeed you can have one at thirty.)  He left these countries until last because he was worried they wouldn't live up to his expectations, especially India, but (as you'll see when you read it) he wasn't disappointed.

His biggest influence is Jack Kerouac, and something about his free-wheelin', philosophical approach (or people's general obsession with Kerouac!) leads him to be compared to Jack almost every time he is reviewed - one reviewer from US magazine Traveller's Digest suggested Kerouac would be 'grinning in his grave' if he could read Steve's writing.  I get the impression Steve would rather be seen as a Michael Palin figure (post-Python!), offering a reasonable, eloquent and non-judgemental view of the wider world - maybe a combination of both.  Anyway, now you've been introduced, look out for more info on Steve and the book in the months to come; you're going to absolutely love it.